It was white and orange, like a creamsicle. Yet, that capsule didn’t remind me of the frozen confections lying in my mother’s deep freeze. Its stare filled my morning with fear and hope. That afternoon I had a rare, and tightly scheduled job. It was not an ideal day for my first experimentation. The chemicals it held could calm my mind and allow me to serve my clients well, or they could magnify my maladies. But, those worries became pointless as that first dose of Adderall slid down my throat and began dispersing into my blood.
I’m still trying to figure out how I got this far. That somehow, and somewhat successfully I managed to land in my mid-twenties with no knowledge of my brains unique wiring. Four percent of adults are affected by this variation. It’s forced me pursue my passions. Armed me with resilience against hardship. Lately, it’s turned the quest for productivity into a daily fight for functionality.
I took the pill. I made the leap. Twenty minutes later I found myself completing complicated tasks at my computer. Is this what work is like for normal people? No need for careful combinations of caffeine and desperation. To do work without the feeling of assembling a puzzle from behind binoculars.
A few hours later I found myself on Antelope Island scouting locations for my impending session. I’ve grown accustomed to being on edge in the moments before a shoot. My mind makes lists of everything I could do wrong. My eyes will irrationally look at my phone, hoping for a last minute cancellation. But this time on that Island things were suddenly different. Instead of fighting myself to find some ease in the initial minutes of a session, my mind and my aspirations were in harmony. As I calmly waved and said hello to Elise and Jesse, my soul grinned because now my only enemy was the quickly setting sun.
Discovering that you have ADD as an adult is a fascinating experience. I have a new lens to understand my existence and a new (doctor prescribed) tool to help make the most of it. I’m undeniably excited to share my new perspectives with you. Some upcoming posts may be titled “I’m not calling it Attention Deficit Disorder but rather…..” and “_# personality quirks that make a lot more sense now”. If you haven’t please subscribe to this blog, like me on Facebook, or follow one of my dueling profiles on Instagram Wyatt.Photos|Wyatt.Human (I’ll be posting pictures of me experiencing my new perspective on this account’s story soon)
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